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In The Midst Of Struggle

Photo by Yuvraj Singh on Unsplash Growing up in a midst of particularly traditional teaching of faith, I was often told to hold on to my faith and beliefs, and to think about what happens after I die.  With each new hit on the low and other unprecedented events, I have been slowly losing my appetite for certainty, not generally, but towards matters that I truly cannot have certainty with. I had not realized that all the intense feeling I had that kept me in bed as a teenager was just the beginning of depression manifesting itself to feed on me. I didn't realized how much it had creeped into my adulthood where I am only living as if I was on airplane mode, only performing essential functions, so I didn't have to deal with my emotions and let facts do the solving.  Essentially, the world only appeared in shades of black and white in my soul. Just as it is impossible for me to have faith anymore, I do not think I care enough to look for the colour anymore, save I am not closing do

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